Today, I heard a commentary in regards to a recent string of
Kevin Costner Box Office Bombs.
Perhaps, the plots have been all wrong?
Perhaps, the story needs to be of a man who
"Dances With Hoochies To Oldies"
That story goes something like this,
Setting: Urban
Period: Modern day USA
One day, an agent of the U.S. government from the eastern part of the country, was sent to Southern California on horseback.
He arrived at his destination in the wee hours of a still darkened morning.
Thus, not a soul was to be seen anywhere. It seemed as though it was a deserted ghost metropolis of never ending asphalt and concrete.
Soon after, he found himself upon the all dirt, grassless front yard of an abandoned, boarded up, condemned, inner city, ghetto house.
He decides this must be the inconspicuously discreet abode of which his commander had explained, would be the provided base of operations.
Through the side gate and in the backyard, he finds a pen which had obviously been previously used to raise and contain
Pit Bulls and fighting cocks.
It would suffice to corral his horse.
Making his way inside, and after putting a match to a candle. He begins to find evidence left behind by his fallen fellow agents whom had been staked out there years before. The evidence was their dried blood from after having been gunned down by the local gang.
The many condom wrappers all over the floor were evidence of that the local teenagers had been staked out there also.
Dawn broke, and then did also three more weeks worth of dawns. Still, no action and no word from headquarters. The only thing he could hear during all that time was the loud sounds of celebrations with blaring trumpets, accordions and tubas during what seemed like every sleepless night. The sound of foreign music, sung in Spanish was so loud that he could hardly hear the nightly neighborhood activities involving gunshots.
Then one day as he was pulling some weeds out back. His horse, being a mare, pissed out the back side and all over him. Soon there after he had taken off all his clothes and was washing down with the garden hose. When suddenly he heard the unmistakable sound of "Cherry Bomb" low rider mufflers. It had to be members of the gang who had gunned down the agents who had previously been staked out there.
Grabbing his pistol he runs out front just as the blinding reflections of rolling sunlight sharply penetrated his eyes after mirroring off of the huge metal flake paint job that made the car look like a giant, wet Dorado jumping out of the ocean while hooked on a fishing line. A dazzling array of colorful mirrored lights that dizzied him until he suddenly found himself with a a multitude of gun muzzles sticking out of the windows and staring him in the face.
Again, his attention was bewilderingly drawn away from the impending danger of the guns. This time not from the colorful mirrored sunlight, nor from the voices coming from within the car saying,
"what the fuck is up with this crazy white boy standing outside all naked like that"? "If my Jefita sees him, I'm going to blast his ass!"
But rather, from the naked Aztec princess with the big giant titties, layed out all over the rear deck of the car.
Finally, between jumping Dorados with hydraulics and chromed spokes and naked pre-Colombian princesses. It proved to be too much cultural shock all at once. He was overcome and fainted right there on the front dirt lawn, in the middle of the hood, butt ass naked with a gun in his hand.
To make a long story short, eventually he convincingly becomes a "white" Mexican American, complete with a palm hair brush, plenty of grey or black shirts, ironed, creased denim pants and the big mustache which he already had. You can say, the mustache was "pre-fab".
Then, while sitting around one day with the elder "Homies" of his gang as they smoked a piece of substance. He noticed a likewise, "White" Mexican American, who happened to be a female and a sexy Hoochie Momma.
The big booty Hoochie, depressed from having been an innocent bystander, years earlier as a 4 yr. old, who was kidnapped by the gang from the hood where she lived and where they had just completed a drive-by. They took her and raised her since she had been left standing on the sidewalk, an orphan after the drive by had killed her parents and everybody else who had been at the front yard birthday party.
It was a really good party, complete with blue tarps, baloons, an inflatable jumper, Birria, beans and rice and Mariachis too. Oh yea, and a big plastic thing full of Budweiser and ice.
She was saved by agent Homie as she attempted to inject a pound of Heroine, when he heroically hurls his ass into the line of fire and intercepts the injection with his left butt cheek. Now, his ass is mad........... about the Hoochie Momma so he marries her "after" a long and painful withdrawal.
Months later, after much fellowship(gang affiliation) while enjoying many tacos and many 30 packs of Budweiser. As a result of he being helplessly seduced by the charming lure of the culturally rich, Mexican way of life........and the big booty Hoochies in the hood. It is inevitably discovered by his former employers at the FBI, that he has defected to a life of loud "drug-smuggler" ballads, Hood Rats and drive-by's.
Finally, as he's confronted by an FBI raid conducted in his gangs turf. In defense of his newly acquired, and beloved, extensively extended Mexican family. He makes that fateful turn onto the road of "no going back", as he blasts a team of agents with a sawed off shotgun.
And they "cruised" happily ever after!
Kevin Costner Box Office Bombs.
Perhaps, the plots have been all wrong?
Perhaps, the story needs to be of a man who
"Dances With Hoochies To Oldies"
That story goes something like this,
Setting: Urban
Period: Modern day USA
One day, an agent of the U.S. government from the eastern part of the country, was sent to Southern California on horseback.
He arrived at his destination in the wee hours of a still darkened morning.
Thus, not a soul was to be seen anywhere. It seemed as though it was a deserted ghost metropolis of never ending asphalt and concrete.
Soon after, he found himself upon the all dirt, grassless front yard of an abandoned, boarded up, condemned, inner city, ghetto house.
He decides this must be the inconspicuously discreet abode of which his commander had explained, would be the provided base of operations.
Through the side gate and in the backyard, he finds a pen which had obviously been previously used to raise and contain
Pit Bulls and fighting cocks.
It would suffice to corral his horse.
Making his way inside, and after putting a match to a candle. He begins to find evidence left behind by his fallen fellow agents whom had been staked out there years before. The evidence was their dried blood from after having been gunned down by the local gang.
The many condom wrappers all over the floor were evidence of that the local teenagers had been staked out there also.
Dawn broke, and then did also three more weeks worth of dawns. Still, no action and no word from headquarters. The only thing he could hear during all that time was the loud sounds of celebrations with blaring trumpets, accordions and tubas during what seemed like every sleepless night. The sound of foreign music, sung in Spanish was so loud that he could hardly hear the nightly neighborhood activities involving gunshots.
Then one day as he was pulling some weeds out back. His horse, being a mare, pissed out the back side and all over him. Soon there after he had taken off all his clothes and was washing down with the garden hose. When suddenly he heard the unmistakable sound of "Cherry Bomb" low rider mufflers. It had to be members of the gang who had gunned down the agents who had previously been staked out there.
Grabbing his pistol he runs out front just as the blinding reflections of rolling sunlight sharply penetrated his eyes after mirroring off of the huge metal flake paint job that made the car look like a giant, wet Dorado jumping out of the ocean while hooked on a fishing line. A dazzling array of colorful mirrored lights that dizzied him until he suddenly found himself with a a multitude of gun muzzles sticking out of the windows and staring him in the face.
Again, his attention was bewilderingly drawn away from the impending danger of the guns. This time not from the colorful mirrored sunlight, nor from the voices coming from within the car saying,
"what the fuck is up with this crazy white boy standing outside all naked like that"? "If my Jefita sees him, I'm going to blast his ass!"
But rather, from the naked Aztec princess with the big giant titties, layed out all over the rear deck of the car.
Finally, between jumping Dorados with hydraulics and chromed spokes and naked pre-Colombian princesses. It proved to be too much cultural shock all at once. He was overcome and fainted right there on the front dirt lawn, in the middle of the hood, butt ass naked with a gun in his hand.
To make a long story short, eventually he convincingly becomes a "white" Mexican American, complete with a palm hair brush, plenty of grey or black shirts, ironed, creased denim pants and the big mustache which he already had. You can say, the mustache was "pre-fab".
Then, while sitting around one day with the elder "Homies" of his gang as they smoked a piece of substance. He noticed a likewise, "White" Mexican American, who happened to be a female and a sexy Hoochie Momma.
The big booty Hoochie, depressed from having been an innocent bystander, years earlier as a 4 yr. old, who was kidnapped by the gang from the hood where she lived and where they had just completed a drive-by. They took her and raised her since she had been left standing on the sidewalk, an orphan after the drive by had killed her parents and everybody else who had been at the front yard birthday party.
It was a really good party, complete with blue tarps, baloons, an inflatable jumper, Birria, beans and rice and Mariachis too. Oh yea, and a big plastic thing full of Budweiser and ice.
She was saved by agent Homie as she attempted to inject a pound of Heroine, when he heroically hurls his ass into the line of fire and intercepts the injection with his left butt cheek. Now, his ass is mad........... about the Hoochie Momma so he marries her "after" a long and painful withdrawal.
Months later, after much fellowship(gang affiliation) while enjoying many tacos and many 30 packs of Budweiser. As a result of he being helplessly seduced by the charming lure of the culturally rich, Mexican way of life........and the big booty Hoochies in the hood. It is inevitably discovered by his former employers at the FBI, that he has defected to a life of loud "drug-smuggler" ballads, Hood Rats and drive-by's.
Finally, as he's confronted by an FBI raid conducted in his gangs turf. In defense of his newly acquired, and beloved, extensively extended Mexican family. He makes that fateful turn onto the road of "no going back", as he blasts a team of agents with a sawed off shotgun.
And they "cruised" happily ever after!
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