I was once asked the question;
What Is Osama Bin Ladens Foreign Policy?
The following is my answer!
To impose heavy tariffs on all foreign automobiles imported into Tora Bora, which will be sold at the local auto cave dealerships. Including the many dealers which use marketing gimmicks designed to convey the appearance of that excitement and festive celebration is taking place at the dealership. They give a promise of that a party is going on. Gimmicks such as giant inflatable, decapitated, infidels. Used to lure the many local would be, "purchaser" goat traders.
These tariffs will protect the local, domestic camel trading post industry. Tora Boras camel breeding and manufacturing industry has, in recent times, been greatly affected from a huge slump in Camel trade "sales".
Bin Laden is adamant about his decision, since having determined that the camel hump, sales slump is due to the popularity of the technologicaly advanced, computer controled, Japanese made, mechanical camels.
The regions population of terro-training camp, camel enthusiasts, have been said to be "head over red & white checkered table cloths" about Japans recent "bio-techno-breeding" advances. They have resulted in the new generation of "Mechano-Camels" that are equipped with the latest "Techno-Camel" contraptions which excel in the area of off road camel traction and stability.
The optionally available, camouflaged "Camobile", is delivered complete with gun mounts on the hump which are especially designed to accommodate the AK-47. However, since the chambering of one more round into the AK will not be the one to break any camels back. This beasts success has really been due to the terro-mountain terrain, conquering abilities of the new "four camel toe", drive system.
With camel "automobio-tech" innovations like these from Japan, Tora Boras domestic, camel breeding, production dusty corral plants. Which were already looking at a terrifying,(even to terrorists) dauntingly looming, mother of all camel humps, sales slump. A slump of who's hump was already one of which it was highly improbable that it would be overcome. But more likely to leave the regions hump vendors in a terrible terro-camp sales slump dump.........forever!
This collapse of the small region's meek, "reek n stink", spit fling'n, camel breeding industry is inevitable. Even when one takes into consideration, that the one single most attractive, selling point feature of the domestic Tora Bora camels is their legendary fuel efficiency. One which Averages 25mpg(mountain peaks per gulp) even on low grade, third world, Islamo-fascist government, Muslim country water.
Though historically, this has been a strong selling point. It is now being one-up'd by the Japanese camels' amazing 8mpg(men per gunner) killing average. In Tora Bora, kills are valued much more that mountain peaks traversed. Thus, 8 is far greater than 25 according to the reasoning and mathematics of a terro-camp trainee.
This holds true, even though the watering hole, fuel gulping "stations", are often times little more than a "camel reclaim" refill. However, camel reclaim is quite pleasing to the regions camel enthusiast, AK jousting jockey's. Who's non-existent checkbooks, benefit from the additional efficiency attained through the recycling of this most precious resource/fuel.
An additional problem is that regions water is often times polluted with munitions materials. Due to the many camps which house, or cave, many terro-trainees who go fishing with shoulder mounted rocket launchers. Fishing methods which gave rise to the local peoples entertainment mockeries. Telling of how, if the enthusiasts were as efficient as their camels. They might average considerably more than the usual, 2 Bluegills and a not so innocent bystander, per rocket.
The Japanese Robo-Camel companies launched a clever marketing campaign, making use of Tora Bora's already existent communications industry. The industry consisting of cave production, propaganda threat and successful terro-activity celebration videos. As well as the various media outlets which produce and distribute the regions wildly popular, "Piously Grateful", decapitation videos.
Not satisfied with just video, the strategy also included audio commercials, heard throughout the region seven times a day. Blaring out from the consistently and repeatedly placed authoritarian loud speakers, which are reminiscent of the sensationalist speaking, Soviet "screamers".
Commercials were heard at the tail end of the usual announcements and were presented as the sponsorship which made possible the calls for the peoples gathering to commence the "Initiation of Prostration" at the "Head-bangers" ground pounder palace.
Not failing to consider all of the possible "brain busting" buyers, Japan's "Camevehicular" manufacturers had announced the soon to come, variations of the all-terrain "Terro-Transporter". Whereas early production models were designed with the young, energetic, performance demanding, reckless abandon of the exuberantly explosive, future fanatics sport'n TNT vests.
The newly announced models will be targeting the slightly less youthful, more reserved, less danger seeking head chopper, and or, school bus bomber. One whom might have himself proudly procreated a half dozen or so, little terrors in their terrible 2's, 3's, 4's, 5's, 6's......................75's
Japan's manufacturers, knowing that the terror never ends, will be exporting brand spank'n and spit'n new camels to Tora Bora's livestock trading posts. Arriving will be the first wave of family sedan, two hump configuration models. Just to never let them forget that it was all of those humps which got them into that predicament in the first place.
With the cameo appearance of Japans camoflauged "Mechano-Camo-Camels", producing performance numbers like the terrifically "Terro-Impressive" 8mpg. Its not surprising that Tora Bora's cave dwelling, camel consumers have vowed, made oaths, and sworne, even upon the sandy graves of their own future celebrity, Super Suic-Star Martyrdom Status. That they would ensure themselves possession of the "Land of the Rising Sun's", "Infadel Anhialators". Even if they themselves had to piss on them.
Despite all of their woeful water issues, and the rigors of on the job demands. Still the all-terrain, terro-transporters continue to dependably deliver all the performance neccesary to provide their anonymously masked masters with the off duty enjoyment of leisurely pass-times. Including desert race classics like:
The Desert Dwellers', Daily Double Header, Better Beheader.
The Sicker Saber Slasher, Killer Stick, Pick Six,
and the all time psychofascist favorite,
The "Are Those Really, Eighty Isreali?",
"You Pick Nine, The Rest Are Mine"!
What Is Osama Bin Ladens Foreign Policy?
The following is my answer!
To impose heavy tariffs on all foreign automobiles imported into Tora Bora, which will be sold at the local auto cave dealerships. Including the many dealers which use marketing gimmicks designed to convey the appearance of that excitement and festive celebration is taking place at the dealership. They give a promise of that a party is going on. Gimmicks such as giant inflatable, decapitated, infidels. Used to lure the many local would be, "purchaser" goat traders.
These tariffs will protect the local, domestic camel trading post industry. Tora Boras camel breeding and manufacturing industry has, in recent times, been greatly affected from a huge slump in Camel trade "sales".
Bin Laden is adamant about his decision, since having determined that the camel hump, sales slump is due to the popularity of the technologicaly advanced, computer controled, Japanese made, mechanical camels.
The regions population of terro-training camp, camel enthusiasts, have been said to be "head over red & white checkered table cloths" about Japans recent "bio-techno-breeding" advances. They have resulted in the new generation of "Mechano-Camels" that are equipped with the latest "Techno-Camel" contraptions which excel in the area of off road camel traction and stability.
The optionally available, camouflaged "Camobile", is delivered complete with gun mounts on the hump which are especially designed to accommodate the AK-47. However, since the chambering of one more round into the AK will not be the one to break any camels back. This beasts success has really been due to the terro-mountain terrain, conquering abilities of the new "four camel toe", drive system.
With camel "automobio-tech" innovations like these from Japan, Tora Boras domestic, camel breeding, production dusty corral plants. Which were already looking at a terrifying,(even to terrorists) dauntingly looming, mother of all camel humps, sales slump. A slump of who's hump was already one of which it was highly improbable that it would be overcome. But more likely to leave the regions hump vendors in a terrible terro-camp sales slump dump.........forever!
This collapse of the small region's meek, "reek n stink", spit fling'n, camel breeding industry is inevitable. Even when one takes into consideration, that the one single most attractive, selling point feature of the domestic Tora Bora camels is their legendary fuel efficiency. One which Averages 25mpg(mountain peaks per gulp) even on low grade, third world, Islamo-fascist government, Muslim country water.
Though historically, this has been a strong selling point. It is now being one-up'd by the Japanese camels' amazing 8mpg(men per gunner) killing average. In Tora Bora, kills are valued much more that mountain peaks traversed. Thus, 8 is far greater than 25 according to the reasoning and mathematics of a terro-camp trainee.
This holds true, even though the watering hole, fuel gulping "stations", are often times little more than a "camel reclaim" refill. However, camel reclaim is quite pleasing to the regions camel enthusiast, AK jousting jockey's. Who's non-existent checkbooks, benefit from the additional efficiency attained through the recycling of this most precious resource/fuel.
An additional problem is that regions water is often times polluted with munitions materials. Due to the many camps which house, or cave, many terro-trainees who go fishing with shoulder mounted rocket launchers. Fishing methods which gave rise to the local peoples entertainment mockeries. Telling of how, if the enthusiasts were as efficient as their camels. They might average considerably more than the usual, 2 Bluegills and a not so innocent bystander, per rocket.
The Japanese Robo-Camel companies launched a clever marketing campaign, making use of Tora Bora's already existent communications industry. The industry consisting of cave production, propaganda threat and successful terro-activity celebration videos. As well as the various media outlets which produce and distribute the regions wildly popular, "Piously Grateful", decapitation videos.Not satisfied with just video, the strategy also included audio commercials, heard throughout the region seven times a day. Blaring out from the consistently and repeatedly placed authoritarian loud speakers, which are reminiscent of the sensationalist speaking, Soviet "screamers".
Commercials were heard at the tail end of the usual announcements and were presented as the sponsorship which made possible the calls for the peoples gathering to commence the "Initiation of Prostration" at the "Head-bangers" ground pounder palace.
Not failing to consider all of the possible "brain busting" buyers, Japan's "Camevehicular" manufacturers had announced the soon to come, variations of the all-terrain "Terro-Transporter". Whereas early production models were designed with the young, energetic, performance demanding, reckless abandon of the exuberantly explosive, future fanatics sport'n TNT vests.
The newly announced models will be targeting the slightly less youthful, more reserved, less danger seeking head chopper, and or, school bus bomber. One whom might have himself proudly procreated a half dozen or so, little terrors in their terrible 2's, 3's, 4's, 5's, 6's......................75's
Japan's manufacturers, knowing that the terror never ends, will be exporting brand spank'n and spit'n new camels to Tora Bora's livestock trading posts. Arriving will be the first wave of family sedan, two hump configuration models. Just to never let them forget that it was all of those humps which got them into that predicament in the first place.
With the cameo appearance of Japans camoflauged "Mechano-Camo-Camels", producing performance numbers like the terrifically "Terro-Impressive" 8mpg. Its not surprising that Tora Bora's cave dwelling, camel consumers have vowed, made oaths, and sworne, even upon the sandy graves of their own future celebrity, Super Suic-Star Martyrdom Status. That they would ensure themselves possession of the "Land of the Rising Sun's", "Infadel Anhialators". Even if they themselves had to piss on them.
Despite all of their woeful water issues, and the rigors of on the job demands. Still the all-terrain, terro-transporters continue to dependably deliver all the performance neccesary to provide their anonymously masked masters with the off duty enjoyment of leisurely pass-times. Including desert race classics like:
The Desert Dwellers', Daily Double Header, Better Beheader.
The Sicker Saber Slasher, Killer Stick, Pick Six,
and the all time psychofascist favorite,
The "Are Those Really, Eighty Isreali?",
"You Pick Nine, The Rest Are Mine"!
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